I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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