I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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