Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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