dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
