Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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