well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
