11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
