just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
