Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
