Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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