we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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