Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
3 2 1 whiskey
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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