Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
