She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
