i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
