We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
