just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Randomize
