she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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