would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
