his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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