I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He felt like a one man threesome
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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