im drinking this country out of the recession.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
