No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
