Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
