There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
