I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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