you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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