Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Are my feet made of real feet?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
