2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
