take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
