How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
