it's too hot outside to masturbate.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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