Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
