just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
