Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
