Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
