you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
