i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
