She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
