I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
