Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
