someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
