and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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