is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
