How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
