I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
