In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
