she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
