I'm pants shitting drunk right now
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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