quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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