and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
