I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
