you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
